Conversations

I've always cherished those moments with my kids when we have a real conversation - where they ask questions (although they may sometimes be hard to answer), where they seek advice, where they share something they are feeling or experiencing or excited about. And with having five kids, those little one-on-one conversations are too few and far between.

I've been getting a lot of questions from my 7-year-old lately. The kind of questions that really make you pause and think and decide how to explain some of the things in life that are hard to explain, like why there are wars. And I want to make them feel comfortable coming to me with questions or seeking advice.

The pre-teen and teenage years are a time that come with lots of questions, but it can also be a time when kids stop seeking out answers from their parents and learning about things from peers. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's not. There are many lessons to learn in life and while you are the primary teachers as parents, there are others that can sometimes shed light on a situation in a way that you can't. Early in my parenting career I didn't understand that. I do now.

Once kids approach the teenage years, they can scale way back on the communication. Where the question of "how was school today?" once caused a lengthy explanation of recess-time and the spelling test grade and what the history lesson was that day, the same question posed to a pre-teen or teen usually elicits one of three one word answers "good," "okay" or "boring."

This is one time when those pesky electronic devices can be a benefit. Once in a while between the 200 texts going out to their friends, they take a minute to send you a text. My thirteen-year-old has his thumbs busy all the time, but there have been two occasions where I was so glad he had that cell phone. One was a few months back and I was out running errands and my cell phone rang. I figured it was him calling to ask if he could play video games or go somewhere with his friends or eat the OREOs he found hidden in the closet.

"Hey," I answered after I saw it was him.
"Hey, Mom. Guess what?" he said.
"I don't know," I answered.
"Guess what?" he repeated.
"I have no idea. What?" I said.
"You have to guess," he responded.
"I don't really know. Just tell me," I said, a little more impatient.
"No, I want you to guess," he said, still with excitement in his voice.
There I was standing in the parking lot at the grocery store, bags spilling out, his brother bouncing around at my feet, the wind blowing so hard I could barely hear him. I wasn't in the mood for a guessing game. My voice got more stern. "I don't have time to guess. I'm loading groceries. I have my hands full. I've got to go. What do you want?"
His voice sank. "Nevermind," he said. "I'll tell you later."
Then, riddled with guilt and still annoyed, I conceded. "Ok, sorry. I'm in a hurry here. I'm not mad at you. What did you want to say?"
"I just wanted to tell you I have a girlfriend," he said.
I stopped in my tracks and listened to all he wanted to tell me.

Wow! He called me to tell me he had a girlfriend. Lots of things went through my mind, but mostly I thought about how I never would have told my parents that I had a girlfriend. There was never a rule about not dating as a teenager in my house, but I just always felt like it had to be secret. It felt good that he was calling and telling that to his mom.I felt happy that my child was sharing that news with me, especially being a boy.

Yesterday, my phone rang and it was my 13-year-old again. When I answered, He said, "Guess what?" I answered "What?" even though I knew what he was calling about. He had entered a contest by the Cook Country Farm Bureau and that's where he was at. He brought a pumpkin that he and his grandpa had grown that weighed in at just under 80 pounds. He won first place. My husband had already called and told me, but it was nice to hear his voice and how excited he was. I hope there will be many times in the future where I'll get to hear his voice when something good happens in his life.

How food blogging changed my life

Every other week, my Mom Moments column appears in the Northwest Indiana Times. There wasn't room for the whole text his week, so I'm sharing it here. Cheers to all the other foodie moms out there. :)

How food blogging changed my life

Like most people, I enjoy a good meal, but in the last year, I’ve began to develop a better appreciation for the food that sustains us. I’ve learned more about where it comes from and the passion of those who produce it and prepare it.

     

In the spring of 2011, my sister, Becky, had a cooking party at her house in the west suburbs. She had taken gourmet cooking classes in the past and she is a world traveler who has been everywhere from France to Fuji, Austria to Australia, Poland to Prague. In her travels, she is always excited about trying new foods. I haven’t been lucky enough to travel as much as she has, but her passion for food is contagious. So, at this cooking party she had, there were some last minute cancellations and it ended up being just four of us. One other couple was there – a former sous chef and his wife. It worked out very well as more people would have been really been a hindrance. Four fit perfectly in the kitchen as we each went about a different task of making the meal, which included a savory salad of greens and goat cheese with a homemade vinaigrette, a meat empanada, chicken buerre blanc and a dessert of fresh fruit crepes with homemade whipped cream. Julia Child would have been proud. We created a visually appealing and delicious French meal and had a blast in the process.

As we enjoyed our meal, I suggested to my sister that we start a food blog, to share recipes and reviews some of the wonderful restaurants we’ve visited. On July 1, Chicago Foodie Sisters (CHICAGOFOODIESISTERS.BLOGSPOT.) was born.

It got off to a slow start, but it was instantly something I was in love with and was way more than just another writing gig to get done. I started looking at the whole world differently. I planned out meals differently and started to experiment more in the kitchen. I started to follow other food bloggers, who offered great tips and ideas, and were a whole new group of online friends and a valuable resource to go to when I was stumped in the kitchen or wanted to learn more about what some eateries were serving. And soon I was posting something every single day.

Over the past year the blog has evolved. I now seldom eat a restaurant meal without taking a picture first (which sometimes annoys the family and friends I dine with.) I’m spending more time in the kitchen at home and loving it. Cooking isn’t a chore, it’s a joy. I visited farmer’s markets with such gusto this past summer. I’m being contacted by companies that are introducing me to new food products. I’m attending more media events where I’m visiting new restaurants, meeting chefs and enjoying seeing their personalities and how they translate into what they prepare and trying so many new foods. So, my life has been changed big-time by writing this blog in ways other than the extra couple of pounds that have made their way onto my waistline. It’s also given me an identity other than “mom.” Being a mom is for sure priority number one, but my kids are getting bigger and while my life still revolves so much around them, this has become something I can enjoy that gives me an opportunity to dine out and interact with other adults and not have to cut up food for anyone else or wipe chins or engage in conversation about PTA or soccer practice or homework. It’s a part of my life that is all me.

Off the top of my head, here are a few of the things I’ve learned over the past year. Before starting the blog I had never eaten quail or jicama or golden beets or fois gras or duck or goat cheese or cremini mushrooms or ancho chile or truffle oil or balsamic vinegar. I had never cooked on a wood plank before. I didn’t know the difference between pinot noir and pinot grigio. I never would have ordered a salad with watermelon or pistachios in it, but there are so many combinations that are magical. And the best part is that there is always so much more to learn and try and experience and I am cherishing the ride.

A night in boyland

I am surrounded by testosterone 24/7. Sometimes it is too much. As much as I love these creatures, I sometimes grow weary of roughness and dirt and zombies and wrestling and snakes and toads and Axe deodorant and video games and washing sports uniforms and armpit farts and crashing sounds and devouring of a pan of brownies in 1/8th the time it took me to prepare them. But, on the same token, I love it. And I love being introduced to things that weren't part of the girly world I grew up in.

In having boys I learned to like things I never knew I would. My husband introduced me to snowmobiling and fishing and off-road excursions.  In having my boys I've learned to enjoy watching skateboarding and snowboarding and riding all-terrain vehicles. One more I can add to the list is the annual Crashfrest at Illiana Motor Speedway.

Despite living about a half-hour away I had never been to the Illiana Motor Speedway. I have learned an appreciation for racing in recent years. We've traveled all over the Midwest and being a travel writer I am always seeking out new places to visit. On a trip to Indianapolis one year, we stopped at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. I had never been to a race before and never watched racing on television....but on that trip, part of the visit to the Indiana Motor Speedway Hall of Fame Museum was a ride around the track in a small bus.  We were moving at a crawl compared to how the race car drivers take the turns, but it was a big thrill to be on that same track and rounding those corners gave me such a rush.

Every year, we mark the end of the season Crashfest at Illiana Motor Speedway on our calendar, but we don't make it. My husband has gone a couple times in the past. Once with my oldest son and nephew when they were quite young. Another time he and his parents went with a couple of the boys. The past couple of years, I was willing to go, but we had other plans that night or my husband had to work. This year, I looked at my calendar the day before and since the day was open, we decided to go.

We pulled in the lot nearing race time and I could not believe how many people were there. And how many people take it so seriously. There were tailgaters with tents and grills and tables who looked like they'd been there for hours. We were lucky to find a small vacancy on a front center bleacher so that we could sit close to each other.

First were stock car races. The boys had fun making picks and watching a Corvette blow away everyone else. Next was a figure 8 bus race. This was really cool. As they picked up momentum on those 25 laps they ran, some fell behind leaving close calls each time they'd cross. Two buses collided. One tipped over. The driver jumped out of the back, unscathed, and hopped back in the driver seat. I enjoyed it way more than I thought it would. There is the potential for injury - even death - in such an event, but when the driver jumps out with hands in the air, letting everyone know he is okay, the crowd goes wild. The winner was someone who had just bought his bus, decided that morning to enter the race and painted it that afternoon. Everyone loves an underdog story.

The final race is a trailer race and that's the one where the crashing happened. Lots of it. There were about 8 vehicles, each pulling some kind of trailer - a camper, a boat, a comical contraption of a port-a-potty placed on a flatbed trailer. Before the race even began, a boat had fallen off its trailer and it was soon hit and blown to smithereens. My boys, of course, had a blast. I kinda liked it myself. And it's not something I thought I'd enjoy. You see I cringe at so many things where I know people are getting hurt - football, wrestling, hockey. That's the mom in me. I don't like to see people get hurt. And in this race, there were a couple pretty big crashes, where you weren't sure if the driver was going to walk out of there in good condition. But, they did. So, you hold your breath for a moment, waiting to see if they come out...and when they do, you kind of want to see it again. At least I do. And most of all, I love any activity I can do with the kids where we are all there and all having fun together. Now that my oldest is 18, he's absent in a lot of our family activities. Or sometimes only half the family is there because one of the other kids has to be somewhere else. All seven of us in one place at the same time is becoming more of a rarity.

After we returned home, I logged on to Facebook and saw my husband's status. "4 hours tonight at Illiana Speedway Crashfest. $120 for tickets. $45 for food. All family members enjoying the night, priceless!" I was thinking the same thing myself. :)

Babies Don't Keep

I really enjoyed being part of the Listen to Your Mother cast this past May in Valparaiso. In its second year, the show included readings about Motherhood coming from a diverse group of women. The first year, the production took place in five cities. The second year it grew to 10. I felt very privileged to be included in the 2012 cast. Recently, the videos were put up on YouTube, so I got to watch myself read. The link is below if you'd like to see it, too. My piece was called "Babies Don't Keep."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvgeZw4o0HI&feature=plcp

Bad mom or good brother?

My oldest is now grown up. Technically. Physically. Legally. He turned 18 in May. He's a full grown adult. And he's easing into the adult world. He's driving. He's going to school. He's working three different jobs. He's pretty responsible and I'm pretty proud.

So, last week he mentioned that there was a wrestling event he wanted to go to. It was at Allstate Arena, a huge indoor venue about an hour from home. The buddies he invited to go were either working that night, broke or not into wrestling. Wrestling is just not my thing. In fact, I have never approved of the kids watching it. It wasn't until my oldest was a teenager that I allowed it to be viewed on our television. I was just against the whole concept. I don't like violence. I don't like seeing people hurt people intentionally. You should see how I squirm at watching football and hockey. And in those sports there is really another purpose, but the roughness is just something that goes along with it. When it comes to wrestling and boxing, where the entire goal is to hurt the opponent, I just can't take it. That's the mom in me I suppose. Throw in that there's a ton of drama, some questionable language and some scantily clad females and it's no wonder I have always been opposed to it. But then I saw movies with the Rock and John Cena and heard about so much charity work some of the WWE wrestlers do and concluded that they weren't all that bad after all. There could be worse things they could enjoy than watching wrestling.

I finally gave in and allowed it on the television in our house. Now it's become a bonding thing for my oldest and my youngest, who is only 7. On Monday nights and Friday nights, when WWE is televised live, they are joined together on the sofa, cuddling and snacking together. The other boys like to watch it, too, on occassion, but my 18-year-old and his youngest brother can always be found side by side when it's on TV. So, when my oldest didn't have anyone to accompany him to this WWE SmackDown event, he asked if he could take his little brother. My initial thought was "absolutely not." Who lets a 7-year-old go to an event like that? But, I quickly realized how much it would mean to the two of them to go together. My oldest offered to pay for his ticket and keep him close to his side throughout the night. My youngest begged to go. I gave in. I felt like I was being a terrible mom for letting him go (I should also add that it was on a school night, which makes it even worse.)

That evening while they were gone, I tuned in for a minute to see what was being shown. Bad idea. It was two females wrestling. I had this awful, "What have I done?" thought running through my head. They got home that night. Both had huge smiles on their faces. They had a great time. And they had a great time because they were together.

After the event, I conveyed to a friend (who happens to be a big WWE fan), that I thought I made a bad decision in letting them go, especially when I turned on the television to see two barely dressed women wrestling as the crowd cheered them on. She said just what I needed to hear, "That's not what he'll remember about going. He'll remember being with his big brother." I clearly won't be up for Mother of the Year, but I realized she was right. When he looks back years down the road, he won't remember what the women were wearing or who defeated who. He'll remember that he had a great big brother who took him along.

Summer is complete

Well, there are only a few more days before summer is officially over -- technically over. It's past Labor Day now and all the kids are back in school, so most people already consider it be be Fall. I made a big, long summer bucket list. I wanted to do at least half of the items on the list. I did. And in late summer I tweaked it and took off some that I realized I really didn't want to do all that much. For example, I had a couple splash pads on the list, but I realized that my kids are really beyond that now. My youngest turned 7 in April. They enjoy water parks much more. So, I removed those. In the end, I did 28 out of 44 on the list. Several were done multiple times, like trips to the library, Cubs games, kite flying and going out for ice cream. There were some I really wanted to do, but didn't accomplish - like fishing, camping and attending a county fair, but it was a nice summer filled with fun. And I'll plan differently next year to make sure I fit in more of what everyone wants to do. And...there are still a few days of summer left. It's not too late.

One thing I didn't put on the list, but that I have to do at least once each summer is attend a concert. My favorite venue is First Midwest Bank Amphitheater. You'd think that it would be something I'd want to enjoy with a group of my peers, but some of the most memorable concerts I've been to were with my dad or my former co-worker and buddy, Fran, who has a few years on my dad. I've also really started to enjoy concerts with the younger set - my sons and nephews. The past couple years I took them to see Bon Jovi at Soldier Field and Paul McCartney at Wrigley Field. After years and years of protest, a couple of my boys have finally warmed up to country music, so I was happy to hear my oldest son say he'd like to go to a country concert at First Midwest Band Amphitheater. We planned to go see Jason Aldean, but it had sold out, so we got tickets to go see Toby Keith. I've seen Toby live at that venue below and he always puts on a great show. So, my oldest son and I went off to the concert. I knew my son, who turned 18 in May, would love the patriotic theme that seems to run through his shows.

There are always the kinks or the drawbacks of live shows...we parked in an unfamiliar lot and walked way farther than usual, then had a long walk to find the will-call window, a light fog of marijuana smoke lingered, end of the aisle seats that had us getting up every two minutes to let someone out of the row AND a four-song delay for the bathrooms that had me hearing Red Solo Cup being sang by a chorus of intoxicated women in bathroom stalls over the band.

Then the upside...the weather was absolutely beautiful! There is nothing like standing in the pavilion watching the sun go down while a light breeze blows by and live country music is being played just steps away. And it was a fun evening with my son. During the many pro-American, pro-troops songs, the crowd went wild. Several military guys in uniform joined him on stage. (*A side note: at this time last year, my son was talking with a recruiter and thinking of enlisting in the Marines.)

After the show, we were walking through the aisles and came upon a guy in full fatigues. My son (who is often pretty quiet, reserved and shy) looked and him, and confidently said "Thank you." There may have even been a sir on the end of it. The guy responded with "Thanks a lot man," and when my son extended his hand to shake, the guy grabbed his hand and shaked it, then gave him a big bear hug. Made mama proud to see that.

So, summer is almost over and now complete. What is one thing you have to do each summer?

Looking up

We all know what today is. I always, ALWAYS spend time reflecting on this date...usually watching the remembrance service at Ground Zero. I cry a lot. I feel for those families who lost loved ones. I didn't know anyone there. I have never even been to New York. But as an American I feel it and as the wife of a firefighter, I feel it. I won't go into a lengthy post. I'll just say that today is a Tuesday. 9/11/01 was on a Tuesday. It's a beautiful, clear late summer day, just like it was then. And I see so much when I look up. An empty sky...and remember the empty skies in the days following 9/11. A sky that is blue and beautiful and covers us all, in every town in every nation in this world - people of all kinds. A hope that a new day lies ahead and that we are fortunate to have that gift and that we have a duty to embrace it. And I kind of see the souls off all those innocent people looking down who left that day...watching over.