Dear Sons: Your Way Isn't Always the Right Way

Dear Sons (Letter #29):

Hi, boys. It's been a little while since I've added one of these letters, but something came to mind recently and I thought I'd address it on the blog. It's something I want you to keep in mind as you grow. It's something that might take you a long time to figure out. I know it did for me. Some people never really get it. I want to make sure you understand something - that your way isn't always the right way.

I've known a lot of people who have always had to be right. Even when I knew they were dead wrong, they'd argue their position and insisted it was right. Sometimes it was a fact that you could show them in black and white to prove them wrong (and they might still argue it) and other times it's an opinion, but one that you just can't make them budge on or see any other way.

For a long time into young adulthood, I was an arguer when I thought I was right - in some cases. I'd never do it at work. And I'd rarely do it with friends. But once in a while with family I'd not back down -- but you know who I wouldn't back down with? Occasionally you dad, but really it was your grandfathers. Both of them have been wonderful guys - sweet, thoughtful, caring and would give you the shirt off their back. But another thing they had in common was being stubborn. If they thought they were right, they gave your their opinion. If they thought someone else was wrong, they wouldn't let up and would not hesitate to point out flaws.

Even thought I would try and argue, I hardly ever won. I often gave up because it just wasn't worth it to go back and forth. And I learned that it wasn't really that important to always be right. Sometimes even if I knew I was right or felt strongly that my opinion was more valid, it wasn't worth the argument. And it took a little bit, but I learned that sometimes I was the one that wasn't right or that there was more than one answer or that it was sometimes the better thing to do to just let them express their opinion without any backlash.

There seems to be a lot of it happening these days - expressing opinions and refusing to even hear the other side or acknowledge that there are two sides (or more) to an issue and not just one.

The earlier you understand and accept this, the better off you'll be. The less time you'll waste on useless arguments. But most of all, the more open you'll be to hearing others and learning from others. And I really hope that's the kind of men you'll grow to be.

P.S. This does't count for trash talking about old school video games. I'll still whip you all in a game of Tetris, Galaga or Paper Boy.

Love,

Mom