I sat down to fill out paperwork and there was a space to write my age. I hesitated. I didn't want to write down that I was 40. It just doesn't seem right. In my head I usually feel more like 26 most of the time. I guess I hesitated a little too long because my name was called before I finished my form.
The technician was irked with me and chastised me for being a few minutes late. Whenever I'm early or on time for a medical appointment I seem to wait forever. This time, I was 4 minutes late when I got in line at the front desk and then it was another five minutes later when they called me back to the exam room. She gave me a robe and I expected her to exit while I changed. She didn't exit. "Come on, you need to get changing!" she scolded. I guess there's no such thing as modesty when you're having a mammogram. I guess there's no need to change privately and discreetly when a minute later your breast is in someone else's hand being flattened.(And on a side note, I sure would have been wearing gloves if I had her job!) I guess we just didn't start off on the right foot. She was irritated with me as soon as I walked in, which made me irritated with her. But, hey, I was the one who was late, so I figured I needed to suck it up and be nice. And when I got nicer, she got nicer.
My husband told me this morning I've been crabby. I didn't realize I had been. But I know I wasn't looking forward to my first mammogram and maybe that had me a little on edge...or maybe that added on to the workload, the housework, the holiday craziness and all kinds of other stuff that I shouldn't complain about because I make my own bed and if I don't like things I need to kick myself and change it.
Anyway, after the mammogram I stopped to do some Christmas shopping and I also decided to look for an outfit to wear on Christmas. I'm never very happy with anything I try on. It's hard to get something that looks good when your arm length is a small, your shoulders are a medium, your boobs are a large and the middle is teetering on XL.
And this dressing room had the full-length mirrors on two sides. And I could see my back side clearly. And I looked at it and I was stunned. Wow...I never realized how bad I look from the back. I definitely don't have the ass I had when I was 26. All this made me feel way older than 26. Even older than 40. Incidentally the extra mirrors did confirm my thoughts that my best feature is my hair. Even though I have a growing army of gray hairs, I've been keeping them at bay via highlights. And I've been told (or heard or read) a few times recently that age 40 is too old to have long hair. Who made that rule? This long hair is staying on my head as long as I can get away with it. Yeah, I guess I am a little crabby. And you know, sometimes I type this stuff out and ramble and put it out there like no one is ever going to see it. It's not like a have a gigantic number of followers, but a few someones out there will read it. And think I'm crazy. Or crabby. Or maybe hitting a midlife crisis. Or something like that. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day. Deep breath. Sweet dreams. Then back to 26.